You are not alone...and neither am I.

Romans 8:12-16~
Therefore, brothers, we have an obligation--but it is not to the sinful nature to live according to it.  For if you live according to the sinful nature, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live, because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God.  For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship.  And by him we cry, "Abba, Father."  The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children.  (underline added)

These verses have been hard for me to process lately.  You see, for years now, I have felt that God was trying to show me the way He sees me--whom He lovingly created and then graciously adopted as a believer, His daughter.  Because of His grace, my mistakes no longer condemn me.  To Him, I am His.  I am beautiful.

When I see myself, I see all the physical scars--the stretch marks and extra skin from pregnancies, scars from childhood falls, scars from my broken leg, etc.  I also see the emotional scars that the years on Earth have brought me--the unkind words, harsh teasing, loneliness at times, my own awkwardness and unkind words.  I see and feel the many mistakes I have made and the damage I have done to myself.  I see what years of an unhealthy lifestyle are reaping.  I feel the hurt and stress that lifestyle was covering up.  I chose the unhealthy foods and the lack of exercise.  I chose them over God.

But God has a funny way of using relationships in our lives to bring us back to Himself.  God uses the picture of the parent-child relationship in my own life to point out similarities in my relationship with Him.  As I love my children, He loves me--even more than I could fathom.  Just as I want the best for them, and thus set boundaries for them, so He does for me (and for all of us).  I have consequences to face when I cross those boundaries, just as my children do.

The consequences I face now for my poor choices are a body that is overweight and out of shape.  With God's help, I am beginning to change my habits and attitudes toward eating and exercising.  I am committing to making more wise decisions in those areas.  I have started exercising again and choosing better food options.  I am clinging to a few verses to help me through this process:

1 Corinthians 15:57~
But Thanks be to God, who gives us victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

Romans 8:9~
You, however, are controlled not by the sinful nature, but by the Spirit, if the Spirit of God lives in you.

Romans 8:28~
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Galatians 2:20~
I have been crucified with Christ.  It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me.  And the life I now live in the flesh I live by the faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

If you are also facing consequences of your choices, please know that you are not alone.  I am praying for you.  Only God has the power to help you overcome your mistakes.

You are His creation and He loves you more than you can imagine.  Seek Him.  Turn away from the poor choices you are making.  Ask Him for forgiveness.  Then begin the work, with His help, to do better.   

We will never be perfect, but the more we rely on His help, God will change us over time to make more Christ-like choices and fewer poor choices.

Life Beyond the Circumstances

Romans 5:3-4~

...we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.

We all face times in our lives that are difficult and don’t make sense to us.  Someone has suddenly lost a family member.  Someone has been involved in a car wreck.  Someone else has faced a long-term illness.  All of us have been impacted by moments where we really needed some encouragement.  Whenever we have found ourselves going through a difficult time, we inevitably hear, “God won’t give you more than you can handle.”  For a long time I trusted it.  It sounds good.  It sounds comforting.  The problem lies in the phrase “more than you can handle”.  As humans, there is nothing we can handle on our own.  A better statement would be, "God won't give you more than He can handle."
The Bible is full of passages that either indicate or directly state that we can do nothing apart from God.  In Genesis 1, God created man and woman, which means we couldn’t even exist without Him.  In John 15:5 Jesus says, “ I am the vine; you are the branches.  If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.”  There are many other verses that further make this point.  If we couldn’t exist without God, and we can do nothing apart from Christ, how could we handle the trials and tribulations of life?  
I firmly believe that God will absolutely give you more than you can handle.  He will not give you more than He can handle, because there is nothing of which He is not in control.  God has no weakness.  There is nothing in existence -- no circumstance, person, or thing -- that He cannot handle.  God is the Almighty, All-Knowing, Ever-present Lord of all.  He wants you to know Him, to trust Him, and to rely on Him in all circumstances.  Through whatever difficult times you face, you will grow from your experiences.  We have to choose to grow closer to Christ or wander away from Him in hate and self pity.  God wants us all to know Him more and He wants the best for each of us.  He orchestrates and ordains circumstances in our lives to draw us closer to Him and to show His glory to us.  
One of the passages in the Bible that is often quoted as a reminder of God’s faithfulness and intentions is Jeremiah 29:11-13: “ ‘For I know the plans I have for you,‘declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.  Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.’ ” 
This promise from God does not mean that life will be without hardship or suffering.  It means that He will walk with us and even carry us through the hardship.  It means that His plans for us are to find hope through Him, and a glorious future with Him.  If you are a follower of Christ you have that hope for the future.  If not, He may be preparing you for a new beginning with Christ at the center of your life -- to love Him and to choose to live for Him.  This scripture shows us that you will find him when you seek Him with all your heart.

One of my favorite quotes from a man named C.S. Lewis is, “We are not doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be.”  I experienced a painful lesson five years ago.  I broke both bones in my leg, just above my ankle.  It was a bad break that required surgery to put in metal plates and screws.  I endured nearly a year of physical pain, set-backs, and a second surgery to remove the hardware.  As I continue to process all that happened and what God taught me, I realize that I am actually thankful for much of the pain I endured and the hardship we went through as a family during those 11 months.  Among the many lessons that I have learned: God really is all you need; He is faithful and good.  He will never leave you, even when you feel the loneliest of lonely (Deuteronomy 31:6; Joshua 1:5).  I needed to learn about being humble and allowing others to help (I am not Super-woman, even though I try to act like it sometimes).  Then there is always for me a lesson of patience.  The list could go on and on.  
Would I have asked to learn those lessons the way I did?  No.  Would I ever want to repeat the experience? N-O!  And yet I am thankful for God’s grace and mercy and faithfulness in the midst of all that.  He truly did draw me closer to Himself and that made it all completely worth it.
The point is learning the lessons you may need to learn may not always be comfortable or easy to experience, but if you direct your heart and mind toward God, and not within yourself, He will show you more about Himself than how bad your circumstances may be.  
He absolutely gave me and my family more than we could handle on our own, but it was by his grace alone and for His glory that we made it through.  God didn’t want pain for my life, but He used it to help me grow closer to Christ.  He wants the same for your life, too.

Deuteronomy 31:6~

Be strong and courageous.  Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you or forsake you.

Joshua 1:5~

...As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you or forsake you.

Joshua 1:9~

Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and courageous.  Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.

It's time.

It's confession time...

For about a year and a half, I have felt God leading me to write a blog.  (I'll get to the "why" part in a minute.)  But I have been fearful and doubting - mainly in my own abilities.  I do not feel that I am particularly eloquent or wise enough to do this.  I actually feel awkward in communicating sometimes, especially in new or uncertain circumstances.  I often get mistaken for being quiet or reserved when meeting new people, mostly because I never know what to say.  Small talk makes me uncomfortable, so I do a lot more listening until I hear a cue that we have something in common.  And when I do find something to talk about, it usually doesn't sound as graceful coming out of my mouth as it did inside my head.

I have never been someone who was consistent in writing down my thoughts.  Even when I have written, it has generally been for myself or a select few.  I know this idea of a blog is from God because it would never have occurred to me to write my thoughts down for others to see.

All of that to say that for the past year and a half, in my not writing this blog, I have been disobedient to God out of my own fear and pride.  I am learning that this life is not about me.  God gives me breath and a purpose, each and every day I am on this Earth.  I have been convicted and have repented.  Now I am obeying.

So here's the "why"  I feel called to do this...

A Girl Called Barnabas

Have you ever read something about a person that clicked for you and you felt an instant connection?  Maybe you saw something in yourself that was similar, or they had a quality you admired.  For me, that person was a man called Barnabas   Let me tell you about him.  

Many years ago on Cyprus, a baby boy was born.  His mother named him Joseph.  He grew up to be a good man, full of the Holy Spirit.  Joseph was among the first people to sell some of his possessions to help the early Christians (the apostles).  Joseph became drawn to people who needed encouragement - so much so that the apostles nicknamed him Barnabas  which means "son of encouragement."

God used Barnabas as encouragement to Paul and Mark at crucial times in their lives when their missions could have failed.  It was Barnabas who agreed to meet with Paul after Paul became a follower of Christ.  Many Christians refused to meet with Paul shortly after his conversion because they thought he was tricking them.  He had been so hostile to the Christians before, that no one trusted him at first.  Barnabas risked his life to meet with Paul and then convince others that Paul's conversion was genuine.  Paul went on not only to become a missionary, but he wrote much of what we now call the New Testament.

Barnabas became a great help to many people.  He was such a great encourager to Christians, that whenever he was with them, non-Christians flocked to him.  Many people became Christ followers as a result.

God used the encouragement from Barnabas to change lives.  As I read about Barnabas when I was a teenager, I was fascinated by his life.  I loved reading (and still do) about how the seemingly small things can be used by God to make a huge impact on the world.  By all appearances, encouraging someone seems like a small, behind-the-scenes sort of thing to do.  God can use that small thing for His glory.  At the least, someone's day can be turned around.  At best, someone's life can be turned around.

Ever since I first heard about Barnabas  one of the biggest prayers over my own life has been for me to be used as an encourager.  My prayer for this blog is for it to be used as an encouragement to others.  

Acts 11:22b-24~
"...and they sent Barnabas to Antioch.  When he came and saw the grace of God, he was glad, and he encouraged them all to remain faithful to the Lord with steadfast purpose, for he was a good man, full of the Holy Spirit and of faith.  And a great many people were added to the Lord."

1 Thessalonians 5:11~
"Therefore, encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing."

A Work In Progress...

So I've taken the first step in creating a blog.  I will be writing more within two weeks.  I've got a real post in progress.  Keep checking back.