It has now been a year since we left the corporate world and began working on the staff at a local ministry, Grace Klein Community. People still give me perplexed looks when I say that we left a comfortable salary and great benefits to work in a place where we have just enough to cover our needs and the benefits, at least as far as insurance, are so much less. Most people don't get it. Admittedly, what we chose to do makes little to no sense when you look at the things like money and insurance. Many of those who sort of understand our choice look at me with a sideways glance and ask me to tell how things are REALLY going. I honestly don't know how to answer people sometimes. It could be because I don't communicate as well when I speak. It could be because I feel sort of put on the spot and awkward. But honestly, even if the questions are out of genuine concern or curiosity, I'm not sure that most people would expect the answer. For one reason, it would not be a short answer. For another, it's such a complicated response, I think it might lead to more bewilderment and more questions. I am going to attempt to explain some of what we do and how we perceive it all.
The ultra, super condensed version of how we feel is this: we love what we have been called to do. I wouldn't go back to the corporate world. Well, I would if God called us back there. But I hope He doesn't.
Just as an aside, Grace Klein Community is a Birmingham, AL-based non-profit ministry. We help feed 200+ families across the Birmingham area. We have a Give and Take ministry for clothing and furniture and household goods. We strive to unite "diverse individuals, ministries churches, and businesses to work together by sharing what they have in order to meet physical and spiritual needs both locally and globally". We have a host of volunteers who are integral in accomplishing the goal of serving and loving people for the sake of the Gospel. In addition, we have several ministry partners across the world that share a similar faith and mission.
We prayed and talked through this change when the opportunity was presented. I knew there would be challenges in changing our lifestyle. There would be things (and most likely friends) we'd have to let go of. I knew there would be temper tantrums and tears...from all of us. And there have been. Our children wouldn't be able to get as much for Christmas and birthdays. We would all have things we would need to give up and/or give away. But here's the thing, what does all of that mean when you look at Who has called us and for what purpose He has called us? One of the biggest lessons I have learned in the last year is that obedience to God is above all. When you choose to obey our Father, it may not always be super easy. In fact, sometimes it is the most difficult place to be. It can be awkward, embarrassing, crazy looking, hard, stressful, tearful places. *However*, He has called you to obedience for a reason: for your good, for the good of those around you, and for His glory. And it. is. good.
We have begun living in an intentional, authentic community. What that means is that we choose, everyday, to be a part of the lives around us. We strive, with the Lord's help, to engage in the lives of the people we encounter, whether we are meeting them for the first time or whether we have known them forever. Among the people we are around most of the time, we are real with each other. We don't lie and say we are fine if we aren't. We talk about our struggles, but it's not so that we can wallow in our self-pity. We share struggles and hurts so that we can encourage each other and hold each other accountable. We walk through the hard stuff with each other. We also get excited about their victories. We celebrate the things they celebrate. We rejoice when others rejoice and cry when others cry. In this last year, we have seen some indescribable miracles. And in this last year, we have seen some incomprehensible hardships. Those are the things, both the miracles and the hardships, that are sometimes difficult to quantify. By living in intentional community, we are making the choice to share the miracles and the hardships with each other. When we share the times of rejoicing, it amplifies the joy. When we share the adversities, it eases the burden. Sometimes being a part of the joy or sharing the burden requires sacrifice...of my time, of my agenda, of resources, of my sleep, etc. And that's okay. It's worth it. This world is not about me. Or you. Really. It's not that we don't have fun, because we laugh a lot. And our people crack me up. They have wit and humor and are so much fun to be around. But anyone who tells you that you should be happy all the time and that you're only living in God's grace if life is easy breezy is lying. Or delusional.
Another thing about living in intentional community is that you often need forgiveness and you often need to forgive. We have had ample opportunities both to ask for forgiveness and to forgive. People who around each other a lot will sooner or later hurt or get hurt. That is a part of life. Our choice in response to those moments is either to preserve the relationship with forgiveness or to let go of the relationship through forgiveness. But the forgiving part is not an option. Unforgiveness on your part is just an acid or poison that eats away at you. Forgiveness is about you, never what the other person (or people) has done. It is simply letting go of the hurt and showing compassion toward the one who has hurt you. As a Christ follower, I am commanded to forgive, and so are you, if you are a Christ follower. Colossians 3:12-14(ESV) says, "Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony." When we choose to forgive, we exhibit all the attributes that this passage describes...compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, patience. We are showing love to someone else when we choose to forgive.
I have had to let go of my pride. We are basically local missionaries. That means that our salary is dependent upon what money and resources people donate to Grace Klein Community. Ultimately, we trust in God alone to provide for us. He calls people to provide in different ways. The majority of our provision comes from the money that is donated. When Scott had a corporate job, he had a salary and commission he earned, but it was generally a steady, guaranteed income. Some of the provision now comes from clothes that are given at the office or handed down from friends. When Scott worked in the corporate world, we just simply went to a store and bought what we needed. I often shopped at sales, but for the most part, we could just go buy clothes or shoes. Currently, a good portion of our groceries comes from the donations that GKC gets from local stores. There are some grocery stores and farmer's markets that gives to GKC out of their surplus. Our family, in turn, is fed through some of the food that is collected. In all of the ways that we get provision, there has been a certain release of my pride. It's not always easy to see that it is God providing for us. It's hard to see past the stigma of receiving donated clothing or food. I was foolish in my thinking before (and sometimes still) that it is anything else but God who provides for us. Even our salary in the corporate world was God's provision. And now that we rely on the giving from other families and the local stores, it is still God who provides. There is nothing so cool and humbling as equating God's provision in all circumstances, whether it is a salary from a company or the donations as support. If you are one of those who has supported us financially or through clothes, we thank you for your support, and we give praise to God for calling you to support us. (If you would like to support us: Click here)
Our schedule is not our own. We sort of have an idea of what our week, and possibly each day looks like. However, our life is not our own. Our schedule changes at least daily if not hourly. We have to look for what feels like the unexpected. Be prepared for whatever. We have to be flexible. Things can go wrong. People show up at the office. Someone has tragedy strike and has urgent needs. A phone call can rearrange the whole day. Just last week, a store that shares their surplus had more than double of what they normally share. A second truck had to be sent out to pick up what wouldn't fit in the first truck. It all definitely keeps us on our toes.
I think one thing that I was not really prepared for was how overwhelming this calling can be...both in the joyous moments and in the hard. And how overwhelming my protective nature would come out over these people whom I now consider to be family. There are so many days that I feel overwhelmed...by just how much God loves us all...by how much hard our people go through daily...by the desire and need to pray for these people...overwhelmed by giving and pouring myself out so that I can become less and He can become more...by loving them like my own children (even though I not near old enough to be a mom to most of them haha!)...by how to speak Truth in love and not come out bossy or like I know it all...by how precious all these people are that we serve and serve with...by how exhausted my brain and body can be...overwhelmed by balancing this extended family and our own family...by how often I feel like I fail in these precious moments...by my own battles and insecurities. But God. His grace is sufficient. It covers all of this and more. In the moments I feel like I may lose my mind, He gently reminds me that I am not alone. HE provides. HE gives grace. HE blows a fresh wind to rejuvenate me. HE gives me the words to say. HE grants me peace. HE gives me what is needed, but maybe not what I ask for. HE is more than enough. HE is bigger than the overwhelming. HE is in control, and I am not. HE is sovereign and HE will not give up His throne. HE cannot lie. HE cannot corrupt. HE is the reason we do what we do. HE called us. HE will not leave us.
This missionary life is challenging and good. Being around people a lot will often lead to challenges. Being around people who may not see eye to eye can be challenging. Misunderstandings happen. Reaching out to people who are different from you can be awkward or scary. But people can be surprising in that they usually are just afraid themselves. You can make someones day just by being kind. Kindness and compassion will often foster community. Simply taking the time to notice people and listening to them can turn the awkward into the lovely.
Even among ourselves, sometimes doing life with people gets ugly...whether its because we're walking through the hard with them or because we're just all messed up people who are around each other a lot. We get on each other's nerves sometimes. But I think that can be beautiful because it shows just how much we are family to each other. Brothers and sisters in Christ loving each other but driving each other crazy. We are just people who love Jesus and want to serve Him and grow together in Him and through Him. And because we are all messed up people who love Jesus together, our lives are ugly-beautiful.
